He's 3. Why do I have to let go of him already? As a SAHM, I have been the main influence on him for 3 years. And, even more importantly, I could pretty much could control his other influences.
Well, it is time to let go. It is time to let him be under someone's control and be able to be influenced by many.
Monday afternoon he started "Imagine That", the older Kindermusic class. He is now in the class without mommy. So sad. He happily went with Ms Vici when she gathered the kids to go to the classroom. He did turn around to see me though. And I told him to have fun and that I'd come join them soon. Then, in classic Justin fashion, as he was turned and was talking to me, he continued to walk. As I was telling him "Justin, don't walk into the wall," he did! Yup! That's my Justin! The great news he seemed to have a great time and seemed to be well behaved. Go Justin! It was so strange though to have him in an activity that doesn't involve Mommy. That had never happened before and it was sad. He really is growing up.
And then this morning....
He woke up and knew it was preschool day. He kept asking to leave. It was a long wait, since he woke up at 7 and the orientation didn't start until 10. Well, we left for school and he was so cute. We got there and he was just very cute. Quiet. Cute. Observing everything. Classic Justin - taking it all in. When we went into the room, each kid had a pile of paperwork with a star on top. The star was for him to wear around his neck. So cute! He played right away and played a lot. He was so happy when he found the workbench and he brought the goggles over for me to put on him. He went back to the workbench, so happy to be wearing goggles. Then I watched as a kid took them right off his face. He looked so sad and came over to tell me what happened. Ahhh...such a tough thing. It is so hard to know I can't protect him anymore. I had to tell him that he should tell the kid that he was wearing those and that he should ask for them back. After the kid dropped them on the ground, Justin put them on again. And then...the kid came right over and took them off again. My poor kid. But there was nothing I could do. This isn't playgroup anymore. I can't potect him and fight for him. It was funny though that later, totally unintentionally, Justin stepped on the kid's hand and then the kid walked into some wood blocks that Justin was carrying. Both times, the kid cried and cried. Kinda funny. Justin realized it all too and told me about it hours later.
Well, today was a start. I had to start letting go. Thursday I will be letting him go even more. I am so sad already. It will be so hard to drop off Justin and leave him at school. Wish me luck.
What the hell will I do when he goes to kindergarten? Or high school? Or college? This letting go thing sucks.
I love you Justin! I really, really love you!
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